Living Life Is Easy..

2011-12-21T21:08:00.000+08:00

yes, this pms is pulling me down.. i'm so lazy to do anything, so tired of living with noises like nuisance, criticism, talking not stop!! just wanna go away n be peace at heart, alone. ade bestfren pon mcm ape. nak dengar kate dier je. ade kakak2, mcm tak wujud, ade bpk, lagy lah tak boleh harap. telna dalam je lah mcm ni. so tired, dier je yg betol, kite je yg salah. mcm nak pecah kepale aku ni, stress.. binget!

leaving 2011.. heading 2012

2011-12-19T01:54:00.001+08:00

how bout a hair cut?? hehehehe...

I'm Back! With short n sweet post

2010-07-15T00:07:00.002+08:00

wow! Solid sebulan lebih aku tak post blog.. Been busy n tired on saturdays... Org da join Ndp lah katekan.. Alot of thngs happened during june till july 14(like now).. Blog again once i got the tym k.. Ngantok lah sia.. 2mrw got class frm 8 to 5.. Da mcm org keje.. Nvrmd.. Practice 4 werk life..

MENGUSUNG RINDU

2010-05-02T22:16:00.003+08:00

Dalam hati ini ada namamu
Nama seorang insan yang aku rindu
Dalam diri ini ada sayangmu
Sayangnya dirimu tidak mengerti

Dalam senyum ini ada tangisan
Tangisan seorang insan terluka
Dalam jiwa ini ada pilunya
Pilu yang membuat aku menangis
Oh hibanya... ( oh... )

Sayu hati... sayu sekali
Melihat engkau berpimpin tangan dengan si dia
Sakit hati... sakit sekali
Pabila cinta yang aku beri tak dihargai

Sungguh terhina
Letih tidak bermaya
Rasa terkilan
Bunga yang ku puja
Kini mekar harum di jambangan orang
Kau yang ku sayang
Aku yang kecundang

Kalau tahu sakit begini
Tidak ku bermain cinta
Kalau tahu siksa begini
Tidak aku menyayangi mu
Pilu resah di hati ini
Mengusung rindu...
Ku tak berdaya

ok, 3 stories about 4 guys... headache..

2010-04-27T22:17:00.002+08:00

1st story:
Allahyarham Abdillah Murad a.k.a Achik Spin
~slang utara~
sedih benor chek(aku) dengar berite ni.. dari negare neighbour kite ni.. kalo den(korg/u all) nak tahu lah kan, chek dulu nyanyi2 lagu deimo(diorg) lah ni.. sape lagy kalo bukan si group SPIN ni.. kesian tu memang kesian.. ape tak nye, anak arwah tercari cari ayah nye since 14 apr seh.. chek dpt rase ape yg si kecik tu rase.. chek bukan ape, chek cume nak sedar kan kite2 ni je.. kematian tu tak semestinye dtg bile kite ni tue ke, ataupon saket.. org sihat mcm si arwah ni pon kalo da sampai ajalnye, dier akan tetap pergy jugak.. padahal kwn yg naek kerete ngan dier selamat, dier tu sampaikan byk pendarahan and hati dier hancur into many pieces.. Allahu Akhbar!!! besarnye Kuase Dia kan.. takpe lah, biar dier pergy.. mungkin dier lebih tenang kat sane.. tugas dier da abes da kat dunia ni.. Al-Fatihah..
*p.s: Ma, kalo nmpk achik ,kirim salam pat dier k..adk rindu ngan mama and achik..

2nd story:
2 good frens no longer good..
~slang biase~
k, this story, cant releaved the name.. sorie.. these 2 buddies were the best of frens, ever since i dunno.. pasalkan satu hal, boleh buang kawan..
so sedih to see them being ego to each other..
guy A, always with his ego. Guy B, too thick-skinned..
guy A, cant get over something in his life.
guy B, actualli using us for his own benefits.. (now then i know sia..)
now, guy A said, we shd stay away from Guy B,
guy B, i dunno how, feel sad to leave him alone, cos, aku da anggap diorg mcm blood brothers.. abeh, bile A decided to severe ties with B, aku nak sokong sape seh???!!! conpius i...senang nak settle, guy A and B, JUST ZIP UR FACE!!

3rd story:
that guy...
~blushing no more~
i dun think i still have feelings for that guy.. when a fren said that he entered from this school to this school, i was like, "eh." maybe, i've moved on.. no feelings, no interest at all.. seeing him with her, is a totally different view.. he is so different now.. sometimes i asked myself, "is this him?? or just another guy same name as him??"
hahahah.. so yeah, even if i see him outside, i may not recognise him.. i'm too shy to acknowledge u as a fren.. and i dun want u to be embarassed if one day i were to acknowledge u..
CHOW!!

ALLAH, GIVE ME GUIDANCE FROM ABOVE..
MA, GIVE ME GUIDANCE FROM MY HEART..

sorry..

2010-04-27T21:51:00.003+08:00

ok, sorie for not posting last saturday.. i was busy watching hindustan and ended up sick at night. sunday was terrible.. i vomitted countless times just to get the phlegm out of my chest lungs and airways.. so, i'm much better now..

i'm just wondering if anyone read my blog and my lame postings... whatever it is, i'm just carrying out my task as a blogger.. even though its not a must for everyone to blog, but who cares anyway...

these few weekd and days, i've been receiving bad news, one after another..
first, my family planning to do a gathering, and my dad turned out to be the party spoiler.. he said he would not be joining us.. ape seh.. da lah takde mak, bpk pon tak kuase nak layan kite ke??kecik sgt hati aku bile bpk aku ckp g2..
secondly, achik spin meninggal dunie on last 17 apr'10.. i got the news from sakienah.. i was at tuition, teaching my student a math qn.. when she told me that, i stopped immediately and stunned.. and stare at the blank air.. ape nye tak blank, i grew up hearing his songs and even played SPIN'S songs everyday during my pri and sec sch days.. and now, he's gone, just like that.. even my student asked me, "mentor, u ok tak? why?".. even a primary 5 kid can tell my face that i suffered a shock.. then, i say, "nah, nothing. hans, complete the question then u can go home lah.. ".. wah, seriously shock siot!!! i think, it took me quite a long tym to reply to kiena.. i think so ah.. cos i was confused, to catch MELODI at tv3 or nak gy water festival.. my collegues dragged me to the water festival.. and i missed the whole episode again..
third, i'm sick..
forth, i miss MELODI again padahal aku baring kat living room..kononnye, nak catch melodi tentang achik.. dgn aku2 skali gone.. tertdo dpan tv.. yelah, org saket kan.. tdo memanjang je lah..

fifth, my class rep sprined her leg badly till her ankle kena cast.
sixth, classmates wallet gone missing, but luckily she got it back..
seventh, min gone for ns..
eighth, a good fren trying to severe ties with another gd fren.. and i'm caught in the middle.. cos, both of them are my good frens.. so how??
ninth, has yet to come..

how??

2010-04-17T11:30:00.004+08:00

these are the sets of questions that keep running thru my mind each and every day..
1: how to make my thighs smaller and slimmer without going to jog?
2: how to make more money without going to work?
3: how to be happy?
4: how to hire one person and do all the housechores?
5: how to excel in studies and get GPA 4.0?
6: how to be patient with my friends that are super irritating?
7: how to live my life to the fullest?
8: how to be fluent in english than i am now?
9: how to be more friendly and make more friends?
last but not least;
10: how to perform 5 times prayers without miss?????

ALLAH, PLS LEAD ME..
MA, GIVE ME UR STRENGTH.. I NEED THEM!!

O.M.G

2010-04-10T01:10:00.004+08:00

OK, I GOT A BIG CONFESSION TO MAKE..
I HAVE USED MY TABONG MONEY!!! 20 BUCKS!!
TO PAY MY DAD'S MONEY BACK.. COS, I USED HIS MONEY TO BUY 1 WHOLE CHICKEN FROM GIANT, 2 PAIRS OF SLIPPERS AT 5.95BUCKS AND TWO SHORTS....
TAT COST ME 20 BUCKS.. ITS BEEN A YEAR THAT I'D COLLECTED THE MONEY, AND I FELT SO WRONG AND GUILTY OF USING THE $20!! EVEN THOUGH ITS JUST $20!!!
AND I FELT THAT, ITS MY FAULT THAT I USED MY TABONG MONEY.. BUT WHAT TO DO?? I'M RUNNING OUT OF CASH!! AND MONEY IN THE BANK!I EVEN USED UP MY SIS'S PC MONEY TO BUY STUFFS THAT I DUNNO WHAT!!! SHIT!!!
I'VE TURNED MYSELF INTO A SPENDTHRIFT!! SOMEONE, PLS, HELP ME!! DRAG ME OUT OF THIS MISERY!!
I FEEL SO WRONG!!!

MA, WHY I'M LIKE THAT!! PLS WAKE ME UP!!! B4 ITS TOO, THOUGH ITS TOO LATE!!!
ALLAH, PLS, I NEED GUIDANCE!!!

macam mane nak cari duit?

2010-04-05T20:30:00.004+08:00

ok, my money in the bank is depleting in no tym,.. no tym to conserve and save it.. tabung, da setahun aku simpan.. shd i open and crack it??? den, i can simpan them in the bank.. omg.. gaji pon blom dpt2.. aiyo.. wish i can work.. tapi, kalo aku keje, sape lah pulak yg nak buat keje umah.. nanti rumah aku tros jadi tonggang pecah.. mendak ah duduk umah.. aku nak sgt keje.. tak payah bergantung ngan duit yg kakak2 and bpk aku nye duet.. duit to survive in poly mmg tak cukup.. duet makan aku je, abeh, gy skolah tak yah pakai baju ke.. tak kan aku nak gy sch ngan tshirt yg berlobang..

lonely now..

2010-04-04T20:29:00.001+08:00

now, lonely than ever.. wish he and she were here.. first, he left me without a word... then she made the same move as him.. its hard to let go of ppl that were really meaningful to you.. when he walked out of my life three years ago, i said to myself, "its ok, she's here for me forever.."
but now, both gone, and will never come back to me.. sedih sgt kalo org yg kite syg tak tahu yg syg dier sgt2.. she knows, but he doesnt.. if only he knows..
but, its ok... even though he and she had moved on, now its my turn to do so..

btw, taufik menang 6 award babe!!!
1.artis terbaik(best artiste)
2.album terbaik(best album)
3.komposer terbaik(best composer)
4.artis paling popular(most populat artiste)
5.lagu popular(best song)
6. penulis lirik terbaik(best lyricist)

currently watching anugerahitz.sg

2010-04-03T21:17:00.003+08:00

hahaha... taufik won first anugerah!!!!! komposer terbaek.. ok, just passing by here to drop an entry..
isnt it great to have a parent that dotes on you vey much.. but, if that person isnt u, u will feel that the world is like nothing to you..
all my life, i've never seen baba marah along.. NEVER..
even when he knew my sis did something wrong, he nvr beat along up, like he did to awie and i.. kenape eh?? thats y along tu besar kepale.. kakak lah katekan.. i'm very disappointed in baba.. he's very bias towards aku n awi.. even though he said that dier adil, haha, very funny.. sedih tau.. siket2 je, along.. siket2 je along.. marah along pon tak penah raise voice.. entah la eh..

half a year...and it still hurts..

2010-04-03T00:03:00.003+08:00

2nd april just passed.. its mama's 6th month.. its been awhile since her passing on..
missed her deeply.. its been half a year without a mum's love, a mum's blessings, and a mum's prayers... only our prayers for her.. life have never been this torturous for us, her loved ones.. half a year without her, i just dunno how i managed to get thru..dun ask me bout it.. it still so fresh in mind on that fri, 2nd oct 09.. on 6am when it all went down down down...

2010-03-17T17:50:00.004+08:00

everyone have their own pasts..i have too.. just being random here.. i got an inspiration to write this entry because of a friend. she had split family. consider her own biological dad is perfect to her. after reading her blog, i felt sympathy towards her. she was separated from her dad because of her aunt that complained to her mum she's not behaving at all. but the truth is, both of them were doing great.. dad taking care of her wonderfully. ~ok, back to main track, what i want to blog today is not about her, but about people arnd me.. at least, when she stayed with her mum and stepdad now, her economical status improved.. i just dunno what people want with their life. why cant they just accept the reality that we cant do what we want and we can only do what we can. people said that other people are not being understanding towards their feelings, but have that person ever let other people know whats inside their heart?? when they have problems, they turned their back to their parents. parents are there to help us, not to corrupt us, u see.. but, if ur parents are treating u like shit, u better speak up and ask them whats wrong. dont rub salt into a wounded skin. it will make u more painful. people just dun feel fortunate when they still have parents to support them.. support meaning emotional support or physical support. if ur parents keep naggin at u, just tolerate, and instead of being 'stand up for ur rights' attitude, just give in and inspire to prove ur parents wrong.. they nag because they care or simply because they are just being upset of their life of failing to bring u up properly. sometimes we need to put ourself in our parent's shoe. it hard to raise a child with bad attitude, 'do ur own stuff, i'll do mine' attitude.. when u scold ur parents, have u ever thought how they feel? u only care about how u feel. and ur reason would be, i'm a teenager, its ok for me to rebel.
f*&^ off!! thats what my sis used to say.. so, its an old excuse.. find me a better one.. ur parents dont listen to what u are saying? have u have give them a chance to know u? they are too busy? no such things as busy.. ur mum's too controlling? there's such things as 'write a note to ur mum' if u dont have the cheek to say it in front of her face.. my parents like to scold me without any reason? there's such things as 'PRAY'... ur parents too ego and its hard for them to admit their wrong?? then just give them a chance.. cos, even if u are at fault infront of a bunch of younger peeople in front of u, its ok to be ego.. there's no such things as 'my parents dont love me'.. if they dont, they wont be wasting their tym bringing u up and u might still be living under an underpass where they wud leave u there.. so folks, just accept the truth that we cant do everything in the world like visit every country in the world, own every camera, be with someone that we like or love forever, be prettier that your friends, be richer than this person, be taller than him/her, be slimmer than him/ her.. just accept it, ok? so, what u can do now to improve ur own quality of life? make good choices. even if u chose the wrong path, its ok, take tym to mend it. good things doesn't come easy.. dun live ur life with full of happiness of luxury cos it doesnt stay.. live ur life to the fullest(~ok, i hate to say this phrase cos i find it nothing..). ok, live ur life full of happiness inside ur heart.. i dunno how, cos, i'm still searching for it as i've just lost my happiness in the world..

thats all for now..
Allah, missing u..
Mama, missing u badly..

another gone...

2010-03-14T22:51:00.003+08:00

my aunt gone... worried about dad... scared that he cant take the blow.. last 6 month, mama gone... now, kakak diernye turn pulak yg tinggalkan dier... aku ok, cos, aku tak rapat sangat.. tapi, tak rapat tak rapat pun, still, her blood still the same as me.. same blood type.. mcm time arwah abg hafiez.. tapi, takpe lah.. biarkan dier pergy.. kite pon tak sanggup nak tgk dier saket.. saket smpi bertarung nyawa...

chow

Allah, bless mama, abd hafiez and cik bedah..
Mama, adk slalu doakan perjalanan mama supaye disenangi olehNya...

pe'el tak leh angkat ah..

2010-03-10T21:40:00.003+08:00

perangai seh kakak aku.. one moment, she's ok, one moment she's not.. hari ni, dier kene masak and kemas dapur, cos, aku tak masak.. yelah, aku pon nak rest jugak.. takkan hari2 aku kene masak.. ingatkan aku maid dier pe.. dier ni kan, da kawin, ingatkan dier boleh berubah.. skali, maken aku tak kenal dier.. kadang2 tu, aku teringatkan ape yg dier buat kat mak aku.. let mama cook alone while she's still in bed, marah kene cook when mama was sick.. perangai kan.. now, dier tahu, aku da tahu masak, buli ah.. duet blanje kasi aku $30 per month, sedangkan gaji $2000.. abeh, expect aku kemas umah, cuci baju dier ngan laki dier, masak untuk dier ngan laki dier.. senang ckp, do everything for her.. abeh, dier buat pe? susah ah nak ckp.. da tue da, tapi tak tahu nak pikir.. tahu semue dah tersedia. sedangkan aku masak, balik, dier masak lauk laen jugak kan. so, whats the difference between aku masak and she cook??? tak paham kan!!
haiyo.. abeh, bpk aku asyik kate, " nanti aku marah kakak kau, jatoh sakit diertu".. walaowei..
abeh, sakit hati aku, takde org pon yg kesah.. da lah tak pindah2, asik ckp takde duet je.. hello, kalopun nak beli rumah, gune duet cpf pe.. gaji laki bini habis macam gitu je.. da lah duduk umah mak aku free of charge, makan pakai, aku jage, wah.. naek kepale.. baru kemas dapur hari ni, da ngamok2.. susah ah gini.. sedih aku kakak aku jadi from bad to worse.. malu aku bile kwn2 aku tanye," kakak kau maseh stay ngan kau?" yeap.. still uruskan makan pakai dier... people might find me "wah dierni, crite kakak dier pon crite pat blog".. i just need people to learn.. dun be like my sis.. nak kawin, tapi, maseh depend family to support them.. kawin kan is to be independent. ni tak, kawin ke, single ke, same je.. entah lah eh..

ma and allah, kenape lah kau duge aku mcm ni?? penat lah layan kerenah org2 ni..

just dun care..

2010-03-09T14:31:00.008+08:00

'when we grow up, our heart dies'...
maybe, it applies to me.. i think, i've been quite a devil these few weeks.. my aunt is facing with death . me? i 've contributed no moral support to my cousins.. maybe, i think, that cousins are all older than me, like 30-40 plus.. so, even if i want to share my experience of losing a mum, i dun feel its quite right. cos, they seems to nod whatever my dad says, but, not doing anything.. even if they are close with my sis, that doesnt mean i need to be close with them.. any updates about my aunt, tak kuase aku nak amek tahu.not to be action or be arrogant to them, tapi, i feel that they know what to do more than i do.. so, tak kuase aku nak layan.. smlm, i went to hospital with my dad, due org je.. so, only left me and my cousins. instead of asking them , hows my aunt, i just left the ward and sit at the lobby... tak kuase ah nak amek tahu.. cos, dulu, mak aku saket macam nak mati pon, takde orang pon tahu family aku macammane, susah ke tak.. how kiteorg jage mak kitorg.. mcmane kitorg makan without mama arnd? how we juggle our tym? at least diorg tu semua ade family, ade husband, or wife that can support them emotionally, and all grown up kids, abeh jage mak sorg pon susah..

bukan nak boast or what lah, tapi, lu pikir ah sendiri.. how, aku adk-berdik boleh juggle our school tym, werk tym , housewerk, cooking, all by ourselves, sedangkan diorg ade maid kat umah, and nak jage mak tym mlm pat hospital pon susah.. excuses like, penatlah, anak takde org kejot lah, anak takde org nak siapkan breakfast lah.. mengakal seh.. buat pe kalao hidup husband and wife.. takkan the spouse tak leh tolong..
just plain lazy lah org2 ni..
just know how to brag on the prob.. tapi, tak tahu how to find the solution to the prob..
naseb aku lah ade sedare gini...
haiz
tapi, kadang2, aku rase, aku ni jahat jugak.. da lah tak tolong.. byk cakap pulak, tapi, kalo nak tolong, teringat the laziness in them, malas ah nak tolong..

da lah, till now..
lagy panjang aku type, lagy geram aku..
chow..

allah, forgive me..
ma, pls pls pls pls appear in my dream even for once.. imy..

reallycant pick up myself...

2010-02-19T20:33:00.003+08:00

i dont know what to do to pick up myself again..
i feel that i'm all shattered. like a broken mirror..
exams around the corner, and i have alot to revise.
no mood to do everything.
even eating that was my favourite pastime, now no longer eating even if i'm hungry.
find help?
i asked few frens to help me to boost up my self esteem..
they helped, but i just cant do it.
i used to say i need help physically, not emotionally.
but now, i need both...
i'm suffering from depression.
checked on the net and i have 7 out of 8 of the sypmtoms. bad? yeah that's bad.
to me, thats bad.
my head's spinning.

chow..
Allah, pls forgive me...
Ma, pls give me ur strength!!!

message from the AUTHORITY

2010-01-20T22:59:00.004+08:00

Blogger under stress;

Blog undergo maintainance;

Blogging is hanging up;

Blogged again when everything settled..

penat seh

2010-01-12T21:50:00.002+08:00

telinge aku ni da penat asyik dgr org ni bebual... bebual mcm betol je... tak habes2 bebual pasal hal yg same.. boring ah.. bebel bebel bebel.. bosan ah... eeeeeeeeee bingit siak!!!!

i'm missing all my girls...

2010-01-11T23:50:00.003+08:00

besties... how r u all??
suddenly the 'miss' feeling is so over me..
missing you all so much sia.. so, yeah suggest that we should meet up this march-apr holidae.. all of us the best girls...
dunno when, where, but what i noe, ALL OF US MUST MEET NO MATTER WHAT... FULL ATTENDANCE K.....

so, ppl yg da lame tk plan events, or org yg keje or sch, or yg slalu takde untuk any gathering kite2 ni, boleh lah start planning now cos, its kind of big event..
(itupon kalo korg nak buat big2 lah kan)

chalet would be nice.. small picnic at marina barrage pon boleh lah jugak kan..
ALSO, NOT TO FORGET, CIKGU AZIZAH ADE JEMPUT GY UMAH DIER, RAMAI2 GY LEPAK UMAH DIER.. BUAT MOVIE MARATHON... SO, ITS GONNA BE GREAT KALO WE ALL CAN MAKE IT...

what say you??
leave your msg after the tone..
hahahha

just joking lah...
just leave your comments at the tagboard.. or, easier, FACEBOOK!!!

ALLAH, BLESS ME..
MAMA, FORGIVE ME..

CHOW

bye-bye 2009, welcome 2010...

2010-01-08T22:45:00.002+08:00

every tym when a new year starts, mesti semue org sebok nak buat new year resolution... for me, just simple.. move on with my life and trying to make my life happier after many things happened last year.. mmg berat nak langkah ke 2010, tapi, we need to leave it so that we can have a better start in our life..

all of us have our own resolution and hope to accomplish it by end of the year...
tapi, kalo satu pon tak dpt nak accomplish, lagy sedih..
hope, tahun ni, i get my resolution done and accomplished..

spend spending spent..

2009-12-31T01:14:00.002+08:00

wow!! burnt my own and sis 'pockets..
the deals were hard to resist! the sales were hard to insist!!
so, went to many shops to shop like mad!! and over $500 bucks was spent just over 2 days!!! if i were to tell that amount to my dad, he will nag for 7 days and 7 nights for sure!! so, just let it be.. just keep it low k..
tot of watching 2 movies last evening.. but, with loads of shopping done, we were damn tired to catch another movie.. watched alvin and the chpmucks 2 just now.. was fun and great though..
so, we decided to catch sherlock holmes.. tot to catch that show at arnd 7 plus to 8.. bt, the seats are limited and baba already calling us to get home.. so, yeah.. we decided to had dinner at mc and just head the bustop to get home by bus.. no mrt anymore cos all of ue were just plain tired to rush thru those packed human traffic along orchard..

now, still cant sleep cos still excited on my shopping items!!
and come to think of it, $500!!!
wow...
thats alot to spend in just 2 days!!

still cant believe it!!

this is how a person that never spend so much in her life reacts..
$500, 2 day??!!! still cant believe i just did that!

ALLAH, bless me..
ma, forgive me..

chow!!

na-uh..so not me now..

2009-12-25T21:57:00.005+08:00

why i am in this state.. being so lifeless, moody, restless, tired..

i'm not sure myself!!

being so tired of being unanswered.. alot of my questions shoot in my head but there's no one for me to ask to.. pathetic or wat... kind of sad?? yeah.. frens said they are for life.. and always be there when u nd them. actually, they are lying.. how can u be possibly be there for them when coincidentally had urs at the same tym.. continue to listen to their stories and add on to urs?? com' on.. stop pretending.. some of them are, some of them not.. but, if u really do some soul-searching now, you wud probably agree wif me..

i feel angry.. angry with myself..

dun ask me why..
i cant answer that..
this is what i feel right now..
:: pathetic
:: silly
::sympathetic
::angry
::sad
::lonely

just feel that i need to blog this up..
my flaws:
i'm a hypocrite..
i dun show ppl when i dislike somethng...

i'm a hypocrite..
i dun show ppl when i hate them..

i'm an egoist..
i dun show ppl when i love them..

i'm an egoist..
i dun show ppl when i need them..

why??
cos, i dunno how..

missing u..
wish u were here to answer me..

2009-12-24T02:57:00.000+08:00

so sad to c 'S' doing tat behind my back.. I was shock.. Least tat i noe she wud do tat.. All along, i tot she was a gd girl.. Dn i say to myself, its her life.. It hurts me deep inside to c her hold tat thng withn her tiny fingers.. I was speechless.. But, wat can i do.. I hv to pretend nt to see a thng.. Hw i wish to stop her n cry in front of her n said y she did tat.. Y these ppl dun get it.. 1st, it was my sis.. She cnfess it on my burfdae. 2nd, my beloved cuzen n till nw, she had drifted away frm me.. 3rd, my so called girlfwen.. Now, its her.. Infront of my eyes n on my sis wed. Thanks girl.. 4 proving me wrong towards u.. In the past, i c u as a gd fwen.. But, since tat dae, i'm sorry if i react awkwardly towards u cos, i'm scared i may nt noe u anymore..

pissing off

2009-12-15T21:46:00.003+08:00

todae, my entry is not about my family..
lately, i'm just pissed off with a fren of mine..
she kept boasting about her so-called "boy-friends" that kept her occupied..
dier ingat, dier lawa mane siak.. kalau lawa mcm puteri ke, anak raje ke, boleh ah bilang aku jantan ni, jantan tu...
ni, muke mcm kelopak salak, ade hati nak kejar jantan ni jantan tu..
to her, maybe she's proud to have many "boy-friends".. but to me, she's just another desperado..

kalo sape2 terase ke, ape ke, sorie lah ye.. but, ini sekadar pengajaran sesame kite..
tgk muke kat cermin tu dulu b4 kejar jantan2 yg kat luar sane tu..
kalo seseorg perempuan itu da digelarkan minah hegey, mane nak letak muke babe??!!

kalo desperate sgt nak berlaki, mintak mak bpk kawinkan .. senang crite..
kalo susah mane nak pilih, kawin je semue skali.. habes crite..

tak paham ah aku pompan2 skarang ni.. kalo muke cantik, ok lah jugak.. kwn aku yg muke cantik pon maseh takde steady boyfriend.. ni setakat muke haprak, nak buat pe??

bukan nak kutuk, tapi, sedar lah diri tu... kwn aku yg tadi tu, ingatkan kalo dier crite ni, crite tu pasal jantan ni and jantan tu, aku jealous lah kononnye..

banyak lah aku nye jealous.. feel like telling this in front of her.. aku tak heran lah..
ingat dier sorang je ade ade kwn lelaki... hello??!!! who doesnt??!!

sorie again...
tapi, i feel that i need to convey this msg..
sape2 nak cari kwn lelaki/ perempuan, jgn terlalu proud to have that kind of friend..
sebab, kalo kite proud, mungkin kite sorang je yang rase g2..(itu maknenye, kite SS).
and that friend, mcm siak, dun feel anything bile kwn dgn kite..
so, pls lah eh, jgn sampai org label kite minah/mat hegey behind our back..
if u got to know that, u will feel hurt yg teramat sgt..
jadi, kalo beriya-iya sgt nak bilang org pasal jantan/betina ni, jantan/betina tu, tanye dulu diri tu, layak ke aku ngan dier, sepadan ke??
so, org tak ngate, dun talk behind ur back...
kate je grown wiser each year.. tapi.. hmmm..ur head lah..

however, kalo org da semulejadi da mcm tu, kite bukan nye boleh buat ape pon.. cant.. nasehat tak load pat org yg di dlm category ni...

so, if some of u tercame across dgn org mcm ni, biarkan je lah..
bak pepatah melayu pernah berkate: biarlah luncai terjun dgn labu-labunye...

ok folks.. thats for now..
will blog again when i find the mood and tym k..
kiss kiss..

Al-fatehah

for mummy..

2009-12-10T20:35:00.003+08:00

i dont know what i am feeling right now.. i feel like crying, i feel like shouting.. depressed pon ade.. i dun like feeling like that.. i feel so lonely. i noe my fwens are there for me..
but, its like lonely than ever..
jiwe aku kosong..
nak type this blog pon mcm tak tahu ape nak type..

felt so stupid

2009-12-09T18:56:00.002+08:00

today i've just flung a test paper.. so tired to study.. so my only solution is not to study.. i thought i can do the paper.. i mostly gave up when i see the paper... all the words just dun seems to make sense to me.. mind teros blank..

aku bace fatihah pon tak jalan jugak..
i think, i just need to sleep..
mane tak.. 2 papers in 1 day.. and no tym and no place to study..
house: disaster..
sch: close
studied math till 1.. sleep at 1.30..
den wake up at 6.. just sleep less than 5 hours..
blaja for mechanics da mcm walking zombie..

den, masok class nak buat test, otak teros jam..
teros blank siak!!! amacam??
boleh termenung lagy ah..

nothing goes well..

2009-11-28T22:13:00.003+08:00

lately, nothing goes well and smoothly between me and baba..
aku tak leh bebual ah ngan bpk aku satu ni..
i dunno why..
just cant talk with him nicely and end smothly..
kalo aku start bebual, mesti end up, gadoh..
lagy bagos tak yah bebual.. just talk with him when necessary ...
tired ah nak debate2, kene tengking2 hari2..
siket2 je nak marah kite, siket2 je nak naekkan suare..
seidh seh..
tahu lah dier stress.. every preparation for along's wedding, dier yang uruskan.. abeh, kite tak stress? tak penat??
aku nak kene blaja, buat homework, kemas umah..
awie kene kemas umah, kerenah dier.. abeh, dier balek keje, ngamok2..
sedih dier je kite kene pikir, trying our best to make him happy..
abeh kite ni? ade dier nak jage hati kite, try to us happy?
takde lah..
dier suro ubah perangai kite, mak kite da takde..
abeh kite je ah perangai burok, diernye perangai? baek kape??
fed-up seh.. pakal ah dier ni bapak aku..
oraang laen suro sabar, sabar, sabar..
org tu senang ah ckp.. nampak pade dasar, mmg senang nak jage bapak aku ni..
tapi, kadang2 aku rase, jage mak aku lagy 10 kali senang dari jage org yang sihat mcm ni..
ape lah naseb... kuat betol ah dugaan yang Dia campak kat aku!!
korg nmpk aku kuat, senyum, ketawa..
dalam hati? meronta-ronta mintak tolong...
selagy aku boleh simpan, aku simpan..
selagy aku boleh tahan, aku tahan..
selagy aku boleh sabar, aku sabar..
jgn aku rebel mcm itu hari lagy, suda...
kalo nak aku rebel mcm tym tu, try ah..

nothing can cheer me up, besides meeting u all and going to school....
so hoping to meet u guys and cheer up my days!! know that u all busy, tapi, its ok.. asalkan aku tahu korang will be there when i really need u all, itu da cukup bagos...
thanks people for the motivation..
thanks baba for testing my patience..
thanks ALLah for giving this chance to gain as much as pahala as possible..
i'll take this challenge..

wish she was her..

2009-11-22T16:04:00.003+08:00

perparing along's big day is like another big thunderstorm. if mama was around, i guess, we are as pressurised as now.. bilik tak terkemas2.. and majlis is like less than a month.. along not cooperating with us, baba always in bad mood and always want things to be donce quickly.. haizz... and my test and presentations are coming up really soon.. need to concentrate with sch, house!! arghhh!!! so stress!!!

harloo...

2009-11-11T22:00:00.003+08:00

sorie, cos so long nvr post a blog..
kind of stress with condition without mama, working very slowly in sch..
not pregressing at all..
too many presentations..
to many things happened in just 40 days afetr mama's passing on..
1. i fell, and sprained my toe;
2. left at home alone;
3. settling mama's stuffs;
4. back to sch without any spirit;
5. making wrong choices,till now;
6. hurting frens along the way;
7. regretting what i'd done;
8. my first cuzen passed away, ABU KHAIRUL HAFEIZ,
exactly 40days after mama left..

he followed mama's footsteps.. leaving us, without a word..
just 24 years of age...
though not so close with him but still, i felt that another part of me is lost cos part of my blood was running thru his blood too..
even if we were to undergo DNA test, the DNA would fit each other...

so, yeah.. hope he's happy with mama there.. and hope, they can look after each other there..
AL FATEHAH...

wish she was here..

2009-10-26T21:20:00.003+08:00

i fell sick twice after mama left me.. baba's been sick ever since..
along and awie are busy has been busy too..
thanks peeps for being so caring when u got to know that i fell sick lats fridae.
every time i vomitted, mama's face and voice came to mind.
i felt that i can feel how she felt when she vomitted each tym she was sick..
now i know how u felt ma..

best frens?? good frens??

2009-10-20T21:39:00.003+08:00

dont be confused between good frens and best frens..

to me: good frens are the ones who always be there for us when we need them, help us out what they could, and try to make us happy... and they would say "that's what frens are for"... the definition of good frens seems to be like best fren's role..

however, to me a best fren is more than a good fren, though he/she and you have many differences..but, why you think, u choose them as your best fren? cos, they are like a lover that loves his/her love, like a mother loves her child, like a father who cares about the family, like a sister that sleeps with you every night..

not only that, best frens listens, advice, accompany..
not listen, then nags and scold you cos u did something wrong..
they are like your second mum, that advice you, though sometimes you cant accept it, u still heeds to her advice, cos u think its best for you too..

best frens are the ppl who you share your feelings, emotions with..
most of us have best frens with the same gender cos that's way comfortable when talking personal things..
within us, there are ppl who have best frens of the opposite genders..
they share feelings, emotions too..
however, they know that they wun change into a pair of couple cos they knew it clearly that
BEST FRENS DUN DATE..

so, why am i saying all these?? cos, i want to remind myself that: JUST DUN BE CONFUSED WITH GOOD FRENS AND BEST FRENS...

thanks peeps cos, after what happened in my life recently, now that i know who my good frens and my best frens are..

chow..

missing mama badly..

with her anrd, no silence..

2009-10-10T00:11:00.005+08:00

but without her arnd, its too silence..
as usual, she would read the newspaper every morning, and when i woke up, she would have her breakfast..
den, she will start cooking at 10am sharp..
den, finish cooking at 1130am..
watch tv, playing brick game or doing the sudoku/ crosswords puzzles were her favourite..
now, the games were left unplayed..
the tv remained silent..
to break the silence was the only sound from the home theater playing the AL-QURAN verses..
she left us with full of sweet memories of her..
nothing was bitter about her to us..
however, she never came nor appeared in our dreams..
never once, since she's gone and left us..
not even one out of 4 of us in the house..
either she did not want to appear in our dreams or she had no more words to say to us..
hope that her non-appearing-in-our-dreams act shows that she leaves us with no worries.. and she knows that we can take care of ourselves..
hope so..

but still, i still want to meet her in my dreams., just to say one last goodbye b4 i set myself into a new life without her presence, her kisses and her prayers..

missing her badly..

no words can describe what kind of person she was to us..
only one word came to my mind was just WONDERFUL.
she's just too WONDERFUL to be described..
she never nags at me,
never lay her hands on me,
never shouted at me,
never shut me up when i'm talking excessively..
she would be attentively listened to my stories even though she heard it twice or even thrice... she would accompany me the whole night when i'm studying..
she would be the ones who laughed at my stupid and non- funny jokes..
she would smile when i complained how unfair life was..
but, she never ever complained how tired she was..
never ever sigh..
never ever cried in front of us..
never bad mouth about ppl in front of us..

her favourite advice to us was "IF U HATE SOMEONE, DUN HATE SO MUCH.. AND IF U LUV SOMEONE, DUN LUV SO MUCH..

I'M JUST TIRED LIVING LIFE WITHOUT HER.. NOW, ITS JUST A WEEK..
no idea what's ahead of us and what He have for us the next day..
everyday, when i woke up, i always asked "how would today be like without mama arnd?"
and i can tell u, i miss her more everyday...

thanks mama for everthing u've done for me and for us..
u've done a WONDERFUL job..
thanks mama..

missing her so much..

2009-10-07T20:58:00.002+08:00

really missing her presence in the house.. the silence..
my house was never so silent b4..
no one can ever bring that sound of her voice..
no voice can break the silence.. i dun noe wat to do..

not only us misses her presence and touch.. the non living things in our house misses her too..
first, the water heater and the pipe spoilt right after her passed on.. the water heated and the pipe were the things that we used to bath her, clean her everyday..

secondly, the light bulb in her room.. the night of her passed on, it was perfectly fine.. atfer 2 days, the light bulb blow instantly..

third, the refrigerator.. the freezer suddenly went wrong and we need to change some parts of it..

so sad.. not only us mourning, the things that she left us also mourn with us too..

mama had returmed to Him..

2009-10-05T19:27:00.003+08:00

i cant describe ape yang aku rase skarang ni..
2nd october 2009, 13 syawal.
mama left us to be with Him..

she left me, along, awie and baba..
left the 4 of us to manage by ourselves..without her..
i'm not ready, but yet, she still left us..

confused?? sad?? lost??
i dunno..
just feel that i'm not strong enuf to put a strong front anymore..
i miss her laughter, her company, her smile, her jokes, her stories, her cooking, the smell of her shit while i change her diapers, her voice, her coughing, her sneezings, her vomiting, her snoring..
i miss her..
i dunno wat to do without her..

no one will accompany me to study at night..
no one will listen to my daily life story..
no one will scold me when i bought new blouse..
no one will say goodbye when i step out of the house..
no one will..
no one for me to clean the diapers..
no one for me to sleep on the lap..
no one for me to be awake at night..
no one for me to kiss when i go to school..
no one will pray for my exams..
no one will order for my booster drink...
no one will wake me up to go to school..
no one for me to tickle the legs..
no one will cook for me my favouite dish..
no one will make my favourite breakfast..
no one will entertain me when i'm sick..
NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO REPLACE MY MAMA..

AL-FATIHAH..

stable but unpredictable

2009-09-23T20:10:00.003+08:00

mama discharged on 18th sept.. kalau tak, on 19th sept.. abeh, she kind of kuat kan semangat and voiced out to the team of doctors that she badly wanted to go home..
dun ask how we managed to go thru the 10-day-to-and-fro..
n i dun wish to tell..
mama's condition is stable now. but, really unpredictable..
now, raye.. ok ah
malam raya, kelam kabut masak, kemas2 rumah..
mama ok.. cume water retention in her legs.. yelah, she have failing liver and kidneys, n she refused to undergo liver transplant nor go dialysis..
so, we have to take care or her really nice at home.. not as good as the nurses at hospital, tapi, ok lah.. selagy kuat tulang empat kerat ni, selagy tu, aku akan jage mak aku mcm minyak yang penuh..
malas ah nak crite byk2.. nanti kalo kite terjumpe, i crite lah eh.. tu pon kalo jumpe.. hehehe

chow!!

mama is hospitalized..

2009-09-09T23:15:00.004+08:00

right after i blog yesterday's entry, my mum cannot stand the pain anymore, n so, we called the ambulance, n send her to NUH..
kol 1.20 pagy: we reached and waited for registration.
2am: registration
3.30am: supposedly she can be admitted to ward 42, skali, her condition was unstable, and kene transder to MICU..(MEDICAL INTENSIVE CARE UNIT)
MACAM NAK NANGIS SEH..tapi, i've to be strong for my sisters n of course, my mama..
5am: waited for her at ward 26, for admitting to the ward and stuffs..
at 8am: my family da boleh balek rumah, buat ape2 yg patot..
12pm: we patah balek hospital
kol 6.30pm: doctor said my mama can be shifted into normal ward.. cos, her condition was so much stable than the first tym she was brought in..

den, 9.30pm: my family n I went home..
11.25pm: blogging what had happened today

just hope that all of u doakan yg terbaek utk mak aku lah ye..
cos, 2mrw will be another challenging day for me, n my family..
cos 2mrw will be doing loads of scans n tests on my mama..
hope, u all dont worry bouot me so much..
all i need is ur prayers for my mama, so that ape2 resluts will be fine, n she will be better real soon!

insyaAllah..

chow...

mama still the same..

2009-09-08T23:55:00.006+08:00

my mama still the same.. maybe the whole family are sending her to hospital 2mrw.. she is so lemah.. every part of her body is so weak.. kite nak angkat dier pon tak boleh, cos saket sgt..
at first, she's so stbborn to go to hospital.. tgk ah kalo bsk dier da sehat siket.. kalau tak sehat jugak, have to call in the ambulance n brng her to hospital..

so ppl: i'm hoping for all of your prayers so that mak saye sehat selepas kluar hospital ye... insyaAllah.. i reli need all of your support to be a good fren in deed..cos i am a fren in need...

pls ah.. cos, now i'm reali feeling so confused n sad...

pape, later i update..

chow..

no feelings for raya seh..

2009-09-08T00:34:00.003+08:00

17th ramadan.. n no baju kurung, or new curtains yet.. paint rumah pun tak, or any preparations of raye yet.. maybe, tahun ni, raye tak semeriah mcm tahun2 yang sudah.. haizzz...
guess this is the nikmat yang aku dapat dari Allah, untuk nikmati ape yang ade di depan kite.. bersyukur pada ape yang dikurniakan pade kite dariNya..
harapan aku untuk sisa2 ramadan tahun ni, aku dpt banyak berdoa dan bertawakkal.. bersyukur..
alhamdulilah.. inilah nikmat bulan puase, n the easiest way for me to gain as much as possible pahala..insyaAllah.. caranye, Dia limpahkan kat aku dugaan yang macam2 untuk ramadan ini..insyaAllah, aku dapat laluinye.. aku harap, pada akhir ramadan ini, aku dapat ganjaran dan ia penuh bermakna..dan, yang paling penting, aku dapat rasakan kenikmatan bulan yang penuh baraqah ini..
INSYAALLAH..

chow.. assalamu'alaikum..

no mood again..

2009-09-06T22:24:00.002+08:00

mama is sick again.. due to the cold weather, she sick like mad.. temperature reached till 39.4 degree celsius.. it hurts so much inside when mama get sick.. the whole family will be worried.. now, at 10.26pm, she's quite ok..
mintak2 lah, takde pape.. aku nak raye ni, abeh mak aku asyik saket je..
so, kalo tahun ni, korg2 yang yg sudi dtg umah aku, dun expect good kueh2 or any foods ah..
cos, tahun ni, family aku lebih risaukan mak aku dr raye..
yelah, she's our backbone seh.. kalo backbone da saket, mcmane nak gerak?
betol tak??

so, kalau aku kate yang aku tak leh gy, maksodnye, aku tak leh gy.. kalau aku kate yes, den i can go..
hope so much from ur understanding..
i love my family than myself, so kalo aku reject krg pasal family, den, paham2 je lah eh..
korg pun g2 jugak kan..
put family first than urself..
same goes with me..
tapi, aku laen, korg laen..
pls ah paham..
if anyone that cant understand the situation, den too bad ah..
tgu sampai parents korg tue and sick.
tym tu baru korg paham ape yang aku lalui..
sembarang ah korg nak label aku 'queen of bubble' ke 'kaki bueh' ke, ape ke.. lantak ah.. aku tahu, when my mum is sick,i'm always by her side..

no offence here.. tapi, i just want all of you to know that, i cant make any promising promises anymore towards anyone.. cos, things can happen unexpectedly.. paham2 lah eh..

(P.S: KALO MASEH TAK PAHAM JUGAK MY SITUATION, TAKPE LAH.. JUST FORGET IT..)

chow..

2009-09-05T20:23:00.003+08:00

kadang2 tu, kite rase kite lah manusia paling malang dlm dunia den, kadang2 tu, bile kite ade masalah, kite rase kite je yang ade masalah..mcm org laen takde g2..tapi, kite kadang2 tu lupe yang ade org lebih malang dr kite, serious prob dr kite, n bagy org laen prob kite peanut out of the sauce je..

den, kalo masalah kite tu tak selesai2 jugak, pat umah, muke monyok memanjang.. kite tak bebual ngan mak kite, bapak, hmm haram.. lagy lah tak bebual..den, tym tdo tu, ditemani ngan mp3 with lagu yang mendayu-dayu yang mengusik perasaan, teros, tertido ngan airmate yang menjurah2, hingus yang meleleh-leleh, tapi bunyi tangisan kite tu, tak kedengaran langsung.. mcm tangisan sepi.. mate, tak payah ckp lah, confem bengkak mcm tak tido 10 hari g2..

asal aku aleh2 je mcm emo ni, because of a simple reason.
aku rase aku kene bast@#d ngan manusia ni yang aku ingatkan kwn. mesti org kate, aku ni ego or jealous, tapi, you jugde for urself lah eh..

one day, kwn2 kau ade plan another 'big major event of the year'. kirekan aku ni mcm vice president(VP), den, ade deputy vice president(DVP) n of course, the president(P)..aku ngan DVP n P ni, dah plan cantek2.. tgl nak buat last touch up ah.. skali si extra ni, masok chorus.. teros interframe... den, dier buat mcm dier punye event pulak.. wah, teros ambek alih tmpt aku, the VP..den, as a VP, this hambe Allah pon conquer rakyat jelate dengan menggunekan name dier sebagai seorang yang boleh diharapkan dan menolak tepi aku ni yang mmg sah2 seorng VP.. wah.. makin aku diam, makin jadi2 pulak budak.. pas tu, yang lebih menyedihkan, i stood alone..DVP n P stood by this berok.. maken peng gua dibuatnye...

apo leh naseb chek.. depa hentam chek habeh-habesan..event belom jadi, dier da push me aside..aku tak sabar ni nak tgu the day of event.. ape lagy yang diorg nak buat kat aku..hope, i have the courage to stand alone with all these stabbers right in front of me!!

harap2 org2 ni insaf lah ye.. ni kan bulan suci.. bulan mulia. sampai hati korang buat aku mcm ni...takpe2.. dunia ni kan da nak habes.. tgl tym je nak qatam.. maknenye, lagy cepat lah korang dapat pembalasanNye.. nari korg buat aku mcm ni, takpe., aku diam.. korang tgu ah naseb korg nanti.. baru korg tahu ape yang aku rase..

chow!!

Speechless..

2009-09-02T22:34:00.008+08:00

dear diary,

i'm back.

sorie cos i neglect you too long..mc lame g2 tak blog kan..

just busy with studies je.. n yeah, must put full concentration...

nothing much happened to me these few weeks..

only that, mama fell sick for 3 days since last tues, n it seemed to be the hardest tym in my life.

no proper sleeping, juggling with sch exams, cooking for sahur n masak for buke puase..

dun wnat to say much about it cos, it made me sad n scared when i tried to recall it.. hope, i wont go thru such pain again..

n i hope mama will be ok..

i've been feeling real down to the core for the whole one week starting frm the day mama gets better..

i need to take care of mama, cant go out, no eating.

study n tv are the medium for my entertainment...

now that the exam period is over, n mama is much better, i went out with bestie just now..

go out from 1.30 to 6.30..

went to vivo to take a look at the National Geographic pics. nice shots..

but, i'll prefer observe rather than explaning..

den, we headed to the roof top, n we sat near the super star virgo cruise.. wala..

der, we sat, n stand, n sit again.. talking rots, observe one indian family taking photo(as if like they want us to be out of that place, cos, amek gmbr mpt kite dudok. sebok kite dudok pat situ, sebok jugak nak amek gmbr pat spot tu. typical indian family),

den just enjoy the upcoming IR sceneries..snapped some sleepy-eyed pics..

at 4pm, we blah from vivo n headed to arab st.. went to buy cekik-an(makanan) for buke..hehehe kasar btol bahase.. klah, i change.. then we go arab st to buy foods fro break fast.. i bought:

2 rolls of kebab,

2 bottles of air kathira,

1 pkt of talam lauk,

i pkt laksa..

den, we decided to go to Jurong west bazaar ramadan, cos, bestie nak beli air kathira dlm packet.. (cerewet lah pulak dier ni.)

tak lah, actually, aku kene cari kuih jongkong mak aku.. she wants to eat for buke.. so, aku n bestie pun gerak dr arab st kol 5 g2 ah..

smpi J.E, KL 5.40 g2.. aku janji ngan mak aku ,aku balek b4 6.30pm..

ok lah tu kan, sempat lagy..

den, we took 334 den, smpi kol 6.. bestie had to buy sabon cuci pinggan, so we went to CK..we were half running when we heading to CK.. de, she must buy ice-cream for her adk, so we went to esso cheers.. we grab one tub ice cream n went to cashier.. tak sempat amek receipt, we pon blah.. tym is running, 6.15..bestie kate, mcm maen game, aku rase, game amazing race kot.. hehehe..

kuih jongkong mak aku lom dpt2 lagy tu...

den, we half running into the bazaar.. aku tgk org ramai, teros mcm lupe rupe bentok kuih jongkong tu.. hehehe kelakar seh.. skali nampk mcm kuih jongkong, skali, tgk dkt2, nasi lemak bungkus dgn daun pisang..hahahaha

at last, dpt jugak..

den, bestie buy air kathirah yg dier nak sgt tu..

dah nak lek, aku beli mknan lagy..

burger ramli 1 pkt..

padahal buke 3 org je seh, mknannye.. fuh!!

tak payah lah nak suro aku cut down ke ape ke.. cos, thats me.. hehehe.. cos, i'm still confused either 'i live to eat' or 'eat to live'.. hahaha

de, balek, nothing much..

da buke, teros ngadap pc..

bace news pasal macaulay and michael jackson..

shock seh.. speechless jap, when bestie told me just now..

ade ke patot org kate macaulay mungkin bapak si 'blanket'??

mengakal seh statement.. tapi, not impossible pe..

but, i hope, its not true..

he'll be resting soon.. sept 3, 09.. 030909.. in a proper way.. buried permanently , i guess.. thats what ET said..

n that's what his bro, Tito said..

hope to watch the movie"this is it" on 29 oct.. tapi, mcm lambt g2 kan..

haiya...

wat to do..

hope this movie is not like the moonwalker.. i hope, its much better..

to bestie, cpat2 lah tag gmbr ye..n, hope plan for popeye's dinner, jadi..

to my beloved N1s, cant wait for 11sept!!

insyaAllah, we'll meet!!

k lah, gua nye mate dah nak kero type2.. ni mate, dari kol 4.30 pagy , n just sleep of 2 hours b4 sahur.. till now, like 1135pm..

gua nak gerak dulu..

renung2 kan lah kehidupan yg indah ini ye..

stop rebeling n just go with the flow k..

selamt berpuase..

selamat bersahur..

chow!

corrrupted in the head..

2009-08-19T23:39:00.007+08:00

Wish Could Write Longer..

However, Have To Put Studies And Exams To Main Priority For Now..

So, Will Be Back After 2 Sept 09..

InsyaAllah..

chow

feeling so guilty..

2009-08-16T19:35:00.003+08:00

my exam is just starting in one weeks' tym.. but, aku blom buat pape preparation pon.. out of 5 modules, aku blom buat pape pun.. n i'm expecting a pass?? forget it lah..
guilty is a feeling that i have all over me.. aku nak start revising, tapi, takde mood ah..
tak tahu ah..macam malas semacam je..entah kenape ntah..
n i keep thinking that i have enuf tym.. tapi, aku rase, aku the last person to do the real revision in my whole class..
my class is so competitive sampaikan aku malas nak blaja btol2 untuk any exam..
i want to be an average student.. n not need to score welll for each module.. tapi, rase2 aku tak leh buat gitu cos, confem aku tak akan jejak the average out of overall.. but, being the best is not every thing.. aku da rase being at the peak.. n its tiring as u cant afford to fail a module.. and thought to be an average student.. tapi, being tan average, we tend to be lazy and tend to not to be the best..
ok. now, my mind is set.. after this, aku nak kene blaja smpi aku pass.. walaupun just pass, asalkan aku dapat the average grade B or A, ITS GOOD ENUF... I NOE I CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ORITE PPL!! I NEED UR SUPPORT TOOO.. TO BRING BACK MY SEMANGAT BLAJA MCM TYM O LEVEL TAHUN LEPAS..INSYA-ALLAH!!!
AMIN!!

want it badly!!!

2009-08-13T18:53:00.005+08:00

I WANT THIS PHONE BADLY..
AS LIKE NOW!!! LAWAKAN?!! LAWAKAN?!!

TAPI, THE SAD THING IS... belom ade cukup duet..
abeh, nw using along's hp.. mcm2 pulak ah diertu..
ni tak leh lah.. tu tak leh lah
bingit pulak..
just need to wait for duet gaji this sundae to buy this hp.. tu pun maseh tak cukup..
nak mintak pinjam dari parents, aku takot tak mampu nak bayar balek, nak pinjam duet ngan along, ehm.. wait long2 lah.. awie?? tak payah lah.. hutang dier pun berlambak2 nak kene bayar..
haizzz... rase2nye, bulan depan lah jawabnye baru aku dapat beli hp tu..
walaupun tak lawa, tapi, i think i deserve tat kind of hp.. cos, aku da jahanamkan 2 slide phone for 3years consecutively..and the prob that i encounter is the same..
no screen as the LCD screen crashed..
so, its tym for me to change my style..
mcm back to basics..

for this future phone of mine, wait long2 for me to save money to buy u k....

bestie, now i nd to save money for hp first then for california flight tix k..
hehehehe
i'll make sure duet raye and duet gaji nanti aku simpan btol2..

chow..

so bingit sia todae...

2009-08-09T21:53:00.002+08:00

just so fed up with people at home.. iriitating sia..
da lah pagy2 kene gy pasar.. tapi tu tak pasal ah..
abeh, todae rumah mcm tongkang pecah...tapi, semue org ade kat umah.. full attendance.. plus kakak akunye tunang skali...
so, full.. 6 of us..
yang irritating tu, takde satu manusia pun yg volunteer nak tolong masak(since mama not feeling well), no one wants to vacuum the house.. and no one wants to clean the bilik tdo.. da lah rumah mcm rumah karang guni.. aku rase rumah karang guni tu lagy lawa seh...
aku tgk APM, bpk aku tdo, mok maen uno gune lappy aku, along n tunang, minding their prob using the lappy.. den, kalo baba tak suro masak, aku rase kakak2 aku pun tak nak masak.. abeh, aku kemas2 rumah siket.. house still not vacuumed. walao..
den, dgn rumah yang tongkang pecah, pakcik aku pulak yang nak datang... cos, bpk aku suro dtg.. dier nak tgk cucu pakcik aku tu.. leceh siol.. aku tgh syiok2 tgk tv, da kene kemas rumah sorang2.. from front door all the way to the kitchen toilet... but, with the sight of those three fat *$&&$#@, terus mengamok!!! ingat kan aku ni ape.. maid korang pe.. step busy je semue... da lah aku bingit ngan bpk aku, bertambah marah aku jadinye dgn the sight of the three #$%^&*...
den, kakak aku pulak tanye nak usb cable hp dier.. ingat aku ni infomation counter kape???!!!!
kalo dier ade one n only cable, bole lah aku jage.. ni tak, she got numerous of it sia!!!abeh, diorg teros marah2 aku cos aku tak tahu jage barang diorg.. HELLO!!!! POT CALLING KETTLE BLACK HERE!!!BARANG SIAPE YANG AKU KENE JAGE!!! ABEH, KORG TAK TAHU NAK JAGE BARANG KORANG SENDIRI PE????!!!! kalo aku yang pakai barang korang, takpe ah.. ni, ganggu pun tak, usik pun tak... den, she found it entah pat mane ntah..

as if everything it like my fault.. n now, she's peeping on what i'm doing... HELLO!!!!! I'M NOT AT THE VERY LEAST USING YOUR LAPPY OK!!! I'M USING MY OWN LAPPY!!! KAU YANG TOMPANG PAKAI, TAK SEDAR KAPE?!!

IRRITATING @#$#%%^!!!! GERAM SEH...

de, 2mrw, i'm doing my porject at fiza's hse kol 12, n baba going out at 1, mok at 1.30, n along werking morning shift.. den, no one is taking care of baba.. n now, baba is like blaming me for not telling him tat i'm going smwer 2mrw..

erghhh!!!!!!!!!!
hanye tuhan saje yang tahu wat i'm feeling rite now!! den, abg zaini(along;s fiance) step buat lawak pat aku... dier kate, "adk asal? ngantok? marah? bingit eh... hehehehehe"..
hello!... i've no tym for jokes here ok...
luckily, i msg fiza to percepatkan tym buat project.. cos, i n to be hm at 2pm.. so tat i can take care of mama...
n luckily, she understood n cooperate n says that we'll be meeting at 10am instead of 12pm.. so, great!!! that's the only relieved and non-stress thing i ever get thw whole day...
how much worst can my day be...

muy life had been tested with lots of tests these few days... my lappy crash.. my hp crash... redo project... redo research again.... ideas crashed.. demanding leader... demanding teacher..
demading exams.. no complte notes... irritating sisters behaviours ever since they are close with each other again... n gang up to condemn me in anyway...
not understanding father... sick mum... wat more He store for me!!!! wat more He wants to test me... Ya Allah!!pls stop testing me... i had enuf... i'm tired oredy and i cant persevere anymore..pls lah... show me the clearer way to achieve wat i want n pls, stop all these tests for i am not strong enuf for ur upcoming tests...amin...amin rabbil 'alamin

chow

i've moved on....

2009-08-06T21:24:00.004+08:00

i've moved on.. letting him to rest in peace.. however, my wish to see his final place will still live in me.. how i wish to born earlier..u were right bestie.. i regret of not becoming MJ's fanatic earlier... and now, it is too late to fan a passed-on idol..cos, he's not there anymore.. and i dun have anymore chance to appreaciate his presence in a concert.. sad kan??!! yeah, i have to accept that what come must go..

dari Dia kita hadir, Kepada Dia kita kembali.. semue org akan mati..

since his passing on, ramai pulak org yg kite suke follows his footsteps..

eg yang terdekat, Yasmin Ahmad.. gd person.. great director.. best movie creator.. wonderful storyline that touched many lives.. now, i appreciate life much better.. appreciating what comes before me.. example like traffic jam, hot weather, irritating lectures.. i try to enjoy every bit of my life with my classmates so that i would appreciate them more than they do towards me..

also, to make life more meaningful, just go with the flow.. no need to rebel... tak penat ke nak rebel2 je.. siket2 je nak rebel. siket2 je nak rebel.. kalo diorg tu mcm MJ ke, Obama ke, kalo rebel, boleh lah diorg change the world to be a better place..

tapi, skarang ni, dorg tu, making choice pun boleh salah pilih, ni pulak nak rebel2 konon.. abeh kalo org laen buatkan decision, rebel lagy.. padahal, sendiri pun tak boleh give a decision..
btol tak??not refering to any ppl, but, this is reality..
no offence, ppl..just my own personal experience and what i have observed..

kalo tak happy, lu punye pasal ah babe.. cos, ni kan gua punye blog.. hahaha
kalo lu tak happy jugak, sudah2 lah tu.. buat insaf banyak2.. hehehe

so, to conclude, life have to move no matter what and appreciate what life has to offer for us.. go green, appreciate life while its here so that we can make this a better place for us...
(macam spokeswomen for the campaign 'Go Green' lah pulak..but that's reality..)

thatss all for today..
till next tym..

chow..

no title todae...

2009-08-03T19:57:00.003+08:00

nari boring seh.... mama bingit ngan smue org.. entah kenape. mood swing aje.. tak abes2.. ngan aku pon kene marah... nari, kat sch, nothing much happen in sch..except that class.. onow.. kite tak pernah laugh as much as just now..

for 16 weeks in the class, nari baru dpt kelawa rabak dlm class tu.. bukanye terok sgt or that susah, tapi, cikgu tu mcm pan#$% siket.. just now, we played a game..
the mcdonalds' game.. cikgu tu yang suro maen cos, we were presenting our CIP project and askes us what game we played to ice-break during the project..
we played cos he said who played the game, n win, he will give the person 10 bonus marks.. so, majority of us played... den, we laughed like hell cos the game was nerve-wrecking..
that's the first tym i saw him laugh so much till his face turned red.. really..
thanks mr ting, for letting us noe that u are a fun teacher to had, even though, just now was the last lesson that we had wif u for the rest of the our poly life...
now, watching moonwalker online... hehehehe thought of watching it with bestie, but, i thnk we have ti cancel ,bestie.. cos, its not a movie.. its just a compilations of mj's video clips and some parts of his concerts.. though i've watched it till the first 21st minutes, i do enjoy it though...k lah, i want to continue watch the moonwalker.. so, ppl, do send in ur pics k.. jgn lupe..

chow..

just cant wait for 2mrw..

2009-08-02T21:42:00.003+08:00

to wait for 2mrw 6pm is like waiting buah tak jatoh from pokok.. my lappy now, ok orady.. went to bestie's hse to install video player, grabbing songs, grabbing videos.. thanks alot bestie.. buat susah2 je..
hehehe
now, watching BOLT.. not feeling lost da.. abit ah.. tak kan leh hilang mcm tu je kan..hehehe... k lah, i'm resuming to watch BOLT.. will write again soon..

chow..

LOST!!!!!!

2009-08-01T17:04:00.005+08:00

yesterday, i went to send my lappy to service since it crashed..then, i went to acer company to get my lappy repaired.. den, waited for about 1 hour for my number to be called. then, when the number was called, yang serve aku punye, handsome giler... weee....
name dier enricho... mamat philippine...mcm jericho rosales yang act crite "pangako -sayo" pat suria few years back tu lah..ingat tak?? tak ingat takpe lah.. buang current je aku crite..
hehehe..
pas tu, dier kate nak back up pape document tak from my harddrive.. den, i say no.. skali, da kluar dari acer tu, baru teringat, yang loads of pictures of my fwens SMUE TAK BACK UP!!!

so, ingatkan pat hp ade belambak.. sekali, aku lupe yang aku DA GY DELETE MOST OF IT!!!
BINGIT SIOL!!!! dari RAYE 2007, GRAD NITE PICS, ALL THE WAY TO THE CHALET PICS!!! semue da takde...argh...
nak buat camne ni!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hope korg yang ade gmbr2 tu smue, send aku pat email lah... email pat juli_haniza@hotmail.com...
lappy aku skarang kosong giler... brand new... cos the harddrive had been changed..
please eh..
anta ah... tolong ah...

den, all my songs pun gone... tapi, tu aku tak kesah sangat cos, i have my 'reliable source' to get songs..hehehehehe(right bestie?)

tu satu hal..
another hal is..
aku tak dapat tgk ET(Entertainment Tonight) kol 6pm smlm.. den, thought kol 1am ade ulangan, nak gy tgk ah tu.. skali, kakak aku da tdo kol 11pm, aku pun mcm bingit, aku pon gy tdo kol 1130pm.. BODOH KAN AKU NI!!!!!!! DA TAK DPT TGK PRINCE'S VIDEO... another thing is lost in my life!!!

lately, i'm quite irritated with myself.. i dunno why i'm easily irritated by myself.. and i dunno how to deal with the feelings.. tried to berzikir, the anger is still in my heart.. geram seh.!!!

now, i'm just keeping inside... naseb baek ade blog...hehehe

so, calling all my beloved frens.. tolong ah.. email aku gmbr2 yang aku da hilang tu...

thelist are as follows:-

grad nite,;

raye 07,08;

mrs indra's burfdae celebration;

racial harmony;

chalet,ofcourse;

last day of school,

after fnn lsn(yang amek pat field sch sch tu..);

spore flyer;

marina barrage;

da yang laen2..

kalo ade yang aku tak list, pandai2 lah kasi, jgn lokek sgt.. cos, aku nak buat something..

tolong ah!!!!!!!!

just keeping quiet today...

2009-07-29T11:29:00.005+08:00

getting better now.. jus left with the coughing abit2 onli...
one after another.. after i fell sick, my lappy fell sick.. ikt2 je... ehehe
my lappy mcm rosak seh.. no more ans to the prob oredy.. mcm nak buang je lappy aku aku tu.. now, i'm using pc pat sch.. ngah lesson n blogging... den, takleh set up fast.. i duno how to describe the prob.. wat i noe is that the lappy is slow.. tapi, aku da defragment, disk clean up..
everything... tapi, still slow in switching on the lappy.. siomthing must have gone wrong here... dunno wat to do oredy... jus at the dead end...

i just let it steam off first...cos i nd to let mine too...

gonna be very long before next blog.. cos, after this, busy with lappy prob and tym for family(for mama especialy..kind of miss talking craps to her and share nonsensical jokes wif her).. i felt that i'm guilty spending tym alot in front of the lappy..yelah, org da ade blog... blog memanjang.. hehehe

financially unstable...
kind of tired these days cos takde duet nak beli booster... s, mcm lembik je gitu..
missing some of my beloved fwens... and missing watching tv with good telemovie...
its okay.. just need to endure for a month before i turned into a tv junkie...

k lah.. nd to cncentrate bck to lsn cos, finishing soon... hahahaha
gtg..
chow..

still so sick

2009-07-27T21:30:00.002+08:00

i actually forgot norashimah's burfdae.. also forget to wish her..
i'm sorri mah..
i'm too sick to wish u, my darling...
but, tadi pagy, da wish da..
naseb baek tak marah..
hehehe
still so sick to typr on this blog..
will write alot in these few days' time..

chow..
roger and out

just leave me alone..

2009-07-25T21:37:00.001+08:00

will u?
this sickness is driving me crazy..
plus, baba's smoking..
killing me slowly..
shit lah.. 2mrw werk, but feel like not going.. tapi, kalo tak gy, takde gaji...
i have to go. if not, gaji siket..
have to..this sickness is nothing to me...
only sore throat and flu.. nothing much..

another week has gone..

2009-07-24T15:59:00.001+08:00

and i'm still all alone..
how could this be???
you're not here with me...

hahahaha
mj's song..

at sch rite now..blogging cos nothing better to do lor..
hahaha
haven save a penny again..
so worried sia..
i'm worried that i cant go california by 2011 cos i dun have enuf savings..
like duhk..

feeling like boring now..like the weather.. no where to go..
back pain..

projects need to be done.. blog need to be updated.. my beloved diary had been neglected long ago..
sad for it since i'm having blog now..

ape yg jadi kat dunie ni, all have reasons to it..
i believe its written, no coincidence at all... Allah da tulis semuenye..

kesian kakak aku yg satu ni..
she's being jobless since last raye seh.. now, da nak dekat puase, maseh tak dpt2 kerje2 lagy..
actually, my family really depend on her.. for her salary, for our extra expenses..
cos we can't simply depend on my dad's $1200 alone to feed 4 mouths.. tentu2 alg da leh tanggung diri sendiri pe..
kesian seh.. i know how she feels..
but, mama n baba seems to push her to find jobs..
firstly, she went to several interviews with no replies..
den, we went to this interview.. wilson parking, n they called her, to come for training.. but, dier apply kerje tu, suke2 je..
so, not going..
ONE DOWN..
before that, she went to some security officers' courses..
she went to several interviews based on her courses..
den she got one.. at condo..
tapi reject lah pulak, cos condo tu give her eerie feelings..
nw, she's waiting for the call from one company..
entah dpt ke tak..
gaji, kecik ah.. $1200 g2..

den, smlm, she say she received a call from sentosa, jadi trainer naek bende ape jada entah lah yang hitam2 mcm scate-scooter g2.. yang support go green at sentosa..
gadi leh tahan..$1200-$1300..
nothing to do with security..
den she want to go..
funny kan.. den she ask me, shd she go to the sentosa training or not.. mane lah aku tahu..
if i'm in her shoes, i pun tak tahu.. yelah, kalo dier tgu call security company tu, she have to let go out the sentosa nye tmptkalo company tu call dier.. kalo tak call?? rugi kan.. tapi, kalo nanti da join sentosa, abeh security call, da wasted ..

so, she's not in a win-win situation.. but rather a lose-lose situation..
kesian seh..
den, if dier tak keje, dier tu suke merayap2, mintak duet ngan mama.. mak aku tu bukannye kerje.. bapak aku kasi duet belanje pun dier da bedal semue.. so, she's making the whole situation here very wrong..
mungkin, dier susah dpt kerje cos, dulu dier berhenti keje senang2 je pat company buat obat tu that pays here $2000 or more..den now, its kind of a lesson learnt for her in future not to berhenti kerje suke2 hati dier je...
rugi kan..
den, recession is getting worse after her berhenti kerje.. bodoh seh..
seleng kan..
pakal lah dier tu kakak aku..
haizzzzzz...all the best lah ngan dier tu.. i hope for the best for her..

and as for myself, i'm werking.. and i try to love my job... so that i wont end up like her..
$140 sebulan pun takpe lah..kecik pun kecik lah.. tak kesah da..
asal kan keje aku tak ganggu my studies, school tym, n most importantly, my family tym...

chow...

in school

2009-07-22T12:08:00.002+08:00

waiting while blogging.. waiting for kiena to come to dover mrt stn.. todae kind of cold.. no mood..
while waiting, i'm sitting alone.. with a bunch of boys that i dun even know.. eating their lunches...i dunno what to do today.. tot of revising tonite, since da balek siang.. atapi, mcm aku kuase g2 kan..hahahaha

smlm, went out with along n awie.. we went to tanjung pagar cos awie got job interview.. pas tu, we walked all the way from tanjong pagar to raffles place den, toook mrt to go to bugis..we met kol 1230 g2 ah, pas tu sampi umah kol 830.. lamekan.. hahaha
nak mampos seh kaki aku..

i have a fwen that having conflicts wif her parents.. the parents are so irritating seh.. iaku dgr ccrite dier pun, naek gera.. what i learnt from her story is to tresure our parents that are not like hers.. i know my parents are not like hers... selamat aku... hahaha
aku rase kalo aku ade mak bapak mcm g2, mati seh..
her story not so touching ah.. but, really open my eyes to treasure my parents personal qualities..

ok, kiena nw (1218hrs) at je st. otw to dover..

nothing to blog about mj, cos someone tak kasi blog pasal dier.. hahahah(sorie bestie..)
hahahahaha

gerhana matahari.. wow.. tak dpt tgk pun.. hahaha
kaki aku tggh cramp ni.. fyi je...
hahaha
bdk2 yg ddk dgn aku ni, cekik mcm tak abes2 lah pulak.. buat aku lapar je..
i dun know that waitng can be so boring even i'm blogging.. cos, da tak tahu ape lagy nak blog.. hahaha
kkk..
ade one topic..
i flared a practical test..
tapi, leh buat..
pakai pc, of course lah, computer programming...
either u get the ans or not..
tak kire lah method btol ke, salah ke..
i cant get it, wif alot of errors in the program... geram kan.. abeh, the lecturer help.. best kan..
hahaha teros dapat btol..
fuh!!! such a relief..
k lah, gtg.. kien's reaching, i guess..
meeting kiena..

chow!!!

SAVE UP..

2009-07-20T15:11:00.002+08:00

DUN MENTION SAVE TO ME..
I'M GUILTY ENOUGH NOT TO SAVE AT THE FIRST PALCE.. I'M TRYING HARD NOT TO EAT..

down to the core of the earth..

2009-07-16T21:10:00.005+08:00

just not in a gd mood today..
i dunno y.. just felt empty todae..though my fwens are all arnd me.. it's natural to feel like this especially when i cant find any updated news about mj..arghhh!!

its been weeks since mj left us and, the mourning situation is like fading away from me..

maybe that's y i felt quite empty, especially when i went home like about 5-5.30 everyday!!! tired but what to do.. no choice but to endure..hope 2mrw will be a beeter day, just for you and me..kindof..

doing project non-stop arnd this week till end of the month.. shit lah.. have to juggle tests, save money(pressure from bestie goes into the account too,hehehe), insuffient money to save and spend, project meetings, project presentation, and the tiredness in my body..

i thnk the real life are about to start.. going back hm late, less talking at home, feeling empty inside, joy outside.. maybe my honeymoon period is fading..
nvr mind, i just need to endure for 5 more weeks n the mid year exam will be over, and will be spending 6 weeks of wonderful holiday!!!

just cant wait..
just hoping to spend a wonderful saturday and sunday. cos, i really need it.. i need to be at home, resting, and sundae, watching tv all day long..
hahaha
missing so much things...
hope 2mrw will be a better day.. insyaAllah!!

chow!!

2009-07-15T20:58:00.003+08:00

todae went to Grand Hyatt Hotel.. so called alot of things that are absorbed in my brain todae..
we went there for our engineering course.. on how to manage hotel's engineering system such as the lighting, aircon, temperature, and the laundry plant room..
great opportunity only come once in a life tym, we get to have the free access to the unauthorised and VIP SUITES.. GREAT BABE...bathtubs, beds, toilets, comfy sofa..
HAHAHAHAHA
after that, we went to the laundry plant. there, we were showed how the dirty linens been washes, rinsed, dried, ironed, and even folding..
then, we went to the chill water plant.. actually, i dont quite understand what the chill water plant does.. but, it got to do with the air con thingy...
hehehehe
next topic..

todae no news of mj... nvr mind.. just leave him alone, like what he wanted, in one of his song"leave me alone".. just so sad that todae i nvr watched the ET todae..
the bus was so slow.. the traffic jam was like %^*#.. i was caught in the traffic jam fom 5.50pm till 6.30.. geram kan...

tode i ate expensively.. da kering da poket aku..
for breakfast: loaf toast:$1.00
lunch:$4.50
tea break;fruit juice:$1.50

total;$7.00

wow!!!
imagine.. i've been saving the whole week..
now, left with $5 to spend for the next 3 days... thurs, fri n sundae..
waliao...
bingitnye...!!!!!!!!!!
can anyone just suggest on how to discipline myself to save properly and not to indulge myself with food???!!!

i need money badly...

i'll be there

2009-07-14T17:48:00.001+08:00

dont feel like blogging today..

kind of lazy and tired, and sleepy..

2mrw, going to GRAND HYATT HOTEL.. related to my course that i'm taking...
just wear somthing neat and i'm ready to go...

i love going hotels..
its been 2 1/2 years since i stepped into a hotel..
even though i'm going for study purposes, i'm still looking forward to the trip..

hope i can learn lots of thing 2mrw.
n of course, CUCI MATA... hahahaha

oritey, i'll blog again 2mrw..

signing out,
chow!!

cant believe it..

2009-07-13T18:45:00.002+08:00

i just couldn't believe that i ate 2 whole half boiled eggs for brunch(breakfast+lunch).
it was so yucky but since i'm so plain hungry like a hungry ghost, i just gobble it down with pepper and soy sauce.. till now, i'm still thinking, hw in the world i managed to overcome the yuckiness of the eggs.. i only eat egg white.. i seldom eat egg yolk.. not even when it is hard boiled.
so fascinating today... eat but dunno hw yucky it taste..
hahahaha!!!!

about mj, nothing much..
still berkabung(mourning) about his death.. but still continuing life as per normal..

kind of busy these days.. so many projects n presentations to be done..argghhhh...

tot of buying another mj dvd, but then, must save up for the california trip..
must save.. the flight alone cost $2-3k.. where on earth am i going to find the money if i don't save up now...
haixzxzxzx...

i will endure my appetite from now on, to achieve my goal.. that is, to go LA..

not yet...

2009-07-13T11:27:00.003+08:00

its been 2 wks ever since mj death...
not yet buried... waliu.. sedih siol..
i just got to know this morning, thru new paper..
i pity him.. cant rest in peace, like what his fans wanted..
btw, if he was still alive, he might be doing the concert live todae, 13 july 2009..
at O2, london.. so sad..

today is the best sunday...

2009-07-12T17:25:00.005+08:00

i just couldn't remember when i had a gd sunday.. when todae came..
todae, at work, it went smoothly.. my mentee listened to me, at last.. they were under my control.. just being abit fierce, that's all..
bukannye boleh kasi muke sangat.. nanti, pijak kepale aku pulak.. hahaha

I bought MJ dvd LIVE in BUCHAREST:THE DANGEROUS TOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!
full of my favourite songs!! so great!! my heart just couldn't stop stomping...
his songs n dance moves made me wanted to dance too... even though the concert was in 1992, i felt like it was just recently he did the concert..cos, his look didnt age like his health condition...
he was and will be forever be a great entertainer..

unfortunately, i didnt get to catch the last world concert that he was supposed to do..
i was saving up for his concert that would be held on 2010 or 2011.. but the effort was in vain..
he will not come and never ever come to s'pore ever again like what he did in 1993...
but, me n bestie tot of continuing our effort and go to california instead...
since mj cant make it to come here, we go and 'visit' him at LA..
of course not now, or next week or next month.. we tot of going after we've graduated.. that will be like 2011/12.. cos, our savings is not enough and no sponsors.. we tot of going wif our own money..
isn't that be great to travel to use ur own hard-earned saving money...
even though long way to go n the spirit will be gone by then, we might still be going as it is our dream to go LA ever since we become best of friends.. InsyaAllah(if Allah will).. right, best friend?(hope u reading this)..

k lah, i thnk, its enuf for today... though he is yet to bury or not, i dun want to thnk must about it so much, though i still care.
cos, if i tot of his body not being buried for more than 2 weeks, it would hurt my heart so much..
but, if he is buried, alhamdulillah(all praises to Allah)..

that's all for now..

i'm over it slowly...

2009-07-10T22:16:00.000+08:00

at last, i managed to get my family to love what i love bout mj...
i also dunno why i like late mj so much suddenly...
even though my family dun expose to me alot about him, i have the freedom to check it out of him..
n prepare to share his details to everyone who is keen to know about him more..
i've been receiving bad comments about him. one of it was "mj died? who cares??" i simply replied, "i care!!"
another was "he so popular meh?? we dun even live in his generation.."
that one really knocked me hard. but, i simply reply, "you live in which cave huh??"
hahaha
sounds so sarcastic but, what to do.. that friend really deserve that from me, man..
hahaha
i thnk, just put his bads, weird, eccentric factors away from our heart n brain.
understand his music more that his bad factors.. his music teaches me alot of life.. n really open my heart wider to the world ..
i just pity his jackson 3.. prince, paris n blanket..
just imagine u r them.
hw would u feel to be left by someone who was everything to u?? n both of ur parents died when u really need them the most at that point of yor life??in jackson 3's case, mj was their both mother n father..
i just couldn't imagine that.. cos, personally, i 'm more afraid of my parents' death than mine as i thnk i couldnt live without them.
so, ppl out there that really dun understand why majority of ppl in the world love so much about mj, listen to his songs, n u understand why...

I LOVE IT..

2009-07-07T22:58:00.000+08:00

If You Enter This World Knowing You Are Loved,

And You Leave The World Knowing The Same,

Then Everything That Happens In Between Can Be Dealt With...

mj in my mind...

2009-07-07T21:57:00.000+08:00

hey hey hey...cant wait for 1.30am tonite....
mj memorial service live!!!

at sch rite now..

2009-07-06T14:43:00.001+08:00

no mood as usual like other mondaes...
mondae blues...
alot of projects to settle..
btw, smlm, baru dpt gaji... 2 months of delay..

starting point....rite now...

2009-07-05T20:53:00.000+08:00

just started... at the staring point rite now..
getting ready to start the race in no tym.. waitin eagerly n nervously for the gun to be shot...